Depending on the approach one takes when negotiating, parties’ behavior can range from joint problem solving to extreme case of brinkmanship where its win by any means. Either way knowing when the other party is telling the truth, bluffing or just lying is important.
Accurate assessment of what a person looks like when they are telling the truth as opposed to when they are lying really comes down to understanding their body language in negotiation. Reality is people do tell you when they are lying it just comes down to your ability to assess or observe them and get the message. That is assuming you forget about yourself for a while and focus on the person, how are they reacting to you? How are they reacting to what you are saying? Is there a difference, however subtle, between what they are saying and how they are saying it in terms of the meaning they wish to give the message? All this calls for your skills in gathering information.
Understanding the 7-38-55 Rule
A negotiator’s words are only a fraction of their efforts. The chief components in your communication are content, voice or tonality and body language. This according to Prof Albert Mehrabian of the University of California in Los Angeles comes in the following relative percentages: content is 7%, voice or tonality is 38% while body language is 55%.
As a negotiator going by this rule, you quickly realize that the tone of voice you use when you are conveying a message is five times (38%) more important as the actual words spoken. Basically how you say something is more important which is why delivery is key.
Whether or not a person is being genuine from the way they communicate can be deduced from whether or not their delivery and body language in negotiation marches up with contents of the words they are expressing.
Often you people will look at the contradiction that occurs between what is said and the body language and give it a label which could be something like this:
“…you say you will take care of it but from your voice you seemed hesitant.”
Pay attention to others in the room
In case you are negotiating with a team, it is mostly the case that the people you are not directly in conversation with tend to be unguarded in their body language. These people will be honest in their reactions; the trick is to watch them without them realizing that you are doing so. Remember these people are aware that attention is being paid to the primary contact in that negotiation.
Getting baseline and Deviations
For the most part people have one way, depending on who they are, of telling the truth and a bunch of ways to tell a lie. This means that if you know what they look like when telling the truth or how it is that they tell the truth you can later deduce a lie from their deviation. This is not an easy task which is why you engage the party to put them at ease and skillfully ask questions you know the answers to, based on your research prior to negotiations. In short, you are doing what polygraphs do.
It is also worth noting that people tend to use more words than necessary if they have to convince you that they are not lying, it’s basically the Pinocchio effect.
What to do if they are lying
You have to remember that you are negotiating and not establishing some moral code. People could lie because they have something to defend or because they feel this is how they get to win, so calling them liars is just getting personal. You have to be skillful and use a statement like;
“I heard you were Ok working with our firm but it seem like something is bothering you?”
Basically you use labels to bring the other person out of the lie. Just ensure that your tone is curious and not accusatory. The objective is to show the other person that you are aware of their perspective and have no problems with it. This doesn’t mean that you agree with it, more like you don’t necessarily have a problem with it.
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